Ch-ch-changes

It's unbelievable just how quickly time flies. How is it already the end of May?! There are so many things that have happened in the past year that just don't seem real. I half expect that I'll wake up from this dream/nightmare any minute.

I can't believe that my grandpa is gone and has been for over 9 months. Yesterday I stopped at my grandmother's trailer and almost burst into tears seeing his straw hat in one of the closets. I'd have thought that with all the work and research I have done pertaining to death I would be better prepared to deal with it in my own life, but I'm not.

My mom is still having such a hard time about my dad leaving. I really hope she'll be alright when I leave for school. I don't exactly have fond feelings towards him either; he's abandoned his whole family at a time when we were grieving, and he left me to pick up the broken pieces.

Then there's my brother. He's stuck in a bad place and won't let anyone in. He had applied to do his Masters, but flunked a class. He'll have to make it up this summer. He's received one rejection letter so far, but is supposed to have a phone interview with someone at Laurentian, so this might be his chance.

More and more I'm realizing just how lucky I am to have gotten into my PhD program. I've read and heard from so many people about how competitive grad school is right now given the state of the economy.

I am excited about the move, although terrified at the same time. I really need to get going; find an apartment, clean up my room, and decide what to pack. Money stresses me a bit, but I really should be ok. The past year has brought so much bad, let's hope that Winnipeg will be a positive change.

I'm in!

Perhaps it’s time I update especially I have received life-changing news. Starting September, I will be a PhD. Student. Yay! I have succeeded in further delaying entering the real world. I was accepted by both the University of Alberta and the University of Manitoba. These are my number 3 and 2 choices respectively. I was turned down by my top pick; Western, even though one of my past professors had told me that I would be accepted. Oh well. Now that I really think about it, Manitoba could be a better opportunity for me.



This news means that I will be moving. Strangely, moving to a neighbouring province is stressing me out more than when I went to England. Mind you, this will be for four years rather than one. My boyfriend finishes his degree in Commerce this year, so he will be coming with me to Winnipeg. At least we won’t be going through the whole long distance thing again. Understandably, he’s overwhelmed with the thought of moving. Hopefully he’ll come around soon since the time to leave will undoubtedly sneak up on us. I have to start looking for an apartment soon, and then figure out how to maximize space in my little car. It’s exciting that we’ll be getting our first apartment and living in a nice big town. I’ve never been to Winnipeg, but it sounds great; a definite improvement over Sudbury.

One thing that worries me is leaving my mom. She’s just starting to get back on her two feet and is finding it difficult maintaining the house on her own. It would be nice if my brother could be home to help her out, but I have no idea what he’ll be doing by Fall. He’s applied for his Master’s, but as far as I know has not received an acceptance yet. He applied to study at Laurentian. It’s not his top pick, but it would be ideal; he could live at home and help my mom out. I can’t let myself worry about it too much. I need to move on and this seems to be the path I’m destined to take.

Fuck Me Shoes

I’m not really the kind of girl to wear heels. I like boots, running shoes, and my flip-flops. Perhaps I’ve watched too much Secret Diary of a Call Girl, maybe I’m coming to tears with the fact that I’m not sixteen anymore. Anyhow, I was out and spotted this pair of shoes.

I actually tried them on as a joke thinking that I probably wouldn’t be able to stand in them, let alone walk in them. Well, lo and behold, they are extremely comfortable, probably the most comfortable pair of heels I have ever worn, and I can walk in them! Yes, I now own those shoes and I cannot wait to wear them. It’s funny I almost feel like a different person with them on. They are so uncharacteristic of me, and the vantage point of being 5 inches higher off the ground is so strange! Perhaps it is a sign of a beginning of a new; a new life, or it could simply be a new facet.

Reconsiderations

At the moment, I am still playing the waiting game. My fate is in four Canadian institution’s hands, pending their decision as whether or not I am PhD material. I hate it. I hate having no control and no longer being able to do anything to help my case. My top choice, the University of Western Ontario, informed me that they will make their decision in early March. That time is fast approaching and I find myself eager, yet terrified at the same time.

Tuesday night I received an e-mail from a professor at one of the universities I applied for. He is on the review committee and was apparently impressed by my file and the fact that I don’t have a very specific research plan. He contacted me to see if I’d consider doing research with him on dental microwear in a population of hunter-gatherers, if I am accepted by the university. I took more time than I probably should have to think it over, but finally responded to him earlier to say that yes, I would be willing to do that sort of work. I know very little on the subject, and have never claimed to. I don’t even particularly like teeth, but at this point, if it’s my ticket into a PhD program, I’ll take it. I certainly hope that this will not happen. This particular university is the one located furthest from my home and I have become increasingly hesitant to distance myself from it.

Thought

It's about time I finally write something in here.

Things have been crazy to say the least, but now that I have less on my plate I feel so...empty. Today...well, technically yesterday, I the last of the documents required for my PhD. applications. I have applied to four Canadian universities. I have done everything that I can do at this point, now all that's left is waiting, and I hate it. I want more than anything to get into one of those programs (two more than the others), and I honestly have no idea what I will do if I don't.

I remember when I was younger I wanted to read every book at the library. I wanted to know everything there was to know. Now, I am aware that that would be impossible. Actually, the fact that there is so much in this world that is unknown, I believe, is exciting and exhilarating. It motivates me to try to figure out, to understand, one tiny little bit of that great unknown.

...and this is why I need to continue on and do my PhD!